Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
