he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
