Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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