careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
