ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
