Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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