My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
