he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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