garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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