Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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