Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
