She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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