When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We have so much sex to catch up on
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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