therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
