That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I skipped work to stalk him.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
