He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
