Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
