dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
