he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
