So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I supernannyed him into submission
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
