remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
