btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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