She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
