I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
