Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
