theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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