Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
