Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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