do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
