So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
