Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
