I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
