anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
