so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
