I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
