I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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