Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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