She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
