I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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