New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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