Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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