theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
