just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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