Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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