im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
