I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
