dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
