I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
only you would photoshop your dick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I licked your asshole in confidence.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
