I faked an abortion last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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