i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize