you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
