When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Boobs are out for the taking
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
