So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
