So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
