I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
