i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
