It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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