Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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