went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
