i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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