i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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