It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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