The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
