You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
