If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
