Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
