I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
