booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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