So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
