i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
