you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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