do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
