Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
