Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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