I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
