Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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