no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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