she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize