Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
