did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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