that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Of course I have a pirate flag
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
