in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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