We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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