Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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