New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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