Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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