an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
