wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
