He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
