The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
