i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
