eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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